Writing a letter to a feeling can help with emotional processing. If we see "anger" or "anxiety" as an external factor, we can shift away from shame!
HERE IS AN EXAMPLE
Dear Anxiety,
I am writing you this letter because I feel like our relationship needs to change.
I know that we have been friends forever and so this may come as a surprise to you. This is particularly awkward because you are a friend of my parents (a friend of the family really). We know a lot of the same people and while they may still want to continue a friendship with you, I don’t. I know that my parents appreciate you for the good example that you set for me when I was young. You talked me out of unsafe ideas, pushed me to do my homework and to study for tests. You were really good at showing me empathy for others and I really do appreciate that.
When I look back, I can’t actually remember a time when we weren’t friends. I do remember that we went to the same school, ate lunch together in the cafeteria, and sat together in class. You hated class pictures as much as did and you gave me some great advice and I sunk down really low and avoided eye contact the entire time. You were always prepared to show up wherever I needed you (although you don’t like crowds or attention so we usually didn’t go far). You had a remarkable memory and helped me keep track of dates and times so that I wouldn’t draw attention to myself by being late, although sometimes we would get so caught up avoiding attention that we didn’t go at all. You were always so wise and while you couldn’t guarantee the future, you did make some remarkable predictions. I remember the one time I almost didn’t go on vacation because you convinced me that something bad would happen. Then you had many long conversations with my dad and convinced him that something bad would happen to me, and by the time I got on the plane both he and I were physically ill. I proved you wrong that time and could have corrected you a hundred times after, but nobody likes a know-it-all.
I admired your wisdom, confidence and strength. You were remarkable when you stood tall on your soapbox and gave long eloquent speeches which culminate in a simple yet powerful statement: something bad is going happen. Yup, we had some crazy times ruminating over nothing at all. You were consistent and present in such a way that was comforting to me. But overtime things have changed. Your constant and persistent fear inducing presence has grown to be a bit of a burden. You are territorial and isolating, you are skeptical of anyone or anything new, and you are mean to myself and others. You have stopped friendships from forming and kept me from opportunities and growth. I know you think you are “protecting me” but I’m not so sure. You have confidently lead me down many winding paths with the intention of saving me from discomfort, but your winding paths gave me an upset stomach, a pounding headache and feelings of panic. I’m not so sure that the straight path would have been as bad as you lead me to believe…
I’ve asked you many times to leave me alone and I need you to hear me now. You cannot show up everywhere, uninvited. You cannot insist on having late night conversations where you ask me questions and I’m forced to answer (because it’s rude not to answer). I’ve left you notes in a journal and I hope that you read them. I’ve written details on post-its to serve as reminders so that you don’t need you to track them for me. I know you say I’ll need you (in such a way that I’m convinced you know something I don’t) but I am going to try to move on without you. You don’t make me feel safe, motivated or empathetic anymore. Instead I feel shook, rattled, nervous, and sweaty. I’ve proven your predictions wrong time and time again. I’ve made friends with confidence, hung out with peace, and I’ve tried new things. And you know what? I think I like them. So this is the end of the road for us. I just wanted you to hear it from me first.
