Does it ever feel like you are swimming upstream against a current of negativity? It can be challenging to maintain or even achieve a positive outlook. There are valid reasons to believe that the world isn’t all roses. Just reading a newspaper is enough to convince us that things aren’t always how we would like them to be.
So how do we cultivate positivity?
The old adage of optimism vs. pessimism tells us that some people inherently approach life with one of two lenses: glass half full or glass half empty. But what if it isn’t as simple as that? What if it matters what’s in the glass and how often we reach for the glass?
Possibly one of my biggest pet peeves is when other’s demand that people “cheer up” or use competition to one-up your circumstance (“that’s not even bad…do you know what happened to me”). Being instructed to be positive isn’t helpful and comparisons aren’t validating. I mean, wouldn’t everyone choose positivity over negativity? There are several mental health benefits to being positive after all. Research shows us that a positive attitude helps with stress reduction and stress management. A positive attitude translates into more energy and greater health benefits. Positivity improves relationships. So with all these wonderful advantages, why is it still so hard to be positive?
We are hardwired to be more sensitive to the negative
It is proven that negativity stays with us longer and has a more significant impact on us than positivity. Possibly the most enlightening part of this area of research is that because negativity outweighs positivity, it’s truly not enough to balance the two 50/50. In fact, when it comes to positive and negative interactions, the impact ratio is 5:1. Meaning that for every negative interaction, you need 5 positive interactions to develop and maintain a positive experience. Just to repeat, to maintain a positive association you actually need 5 POSITIVE EXPERIENCES FOR EVERY NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE! Think about how that translates to your experience at work, with relationships and with yourself.
Ok, so the cynic is me takes that information and translates that into a pretty solid excuse for why we drown in a sea of negativity. But I don’t want to drown with negativity (even if there is a reason). I want to soar with positivity! So here is the good news. The mind is a truly spectacular thing. For a long time, people believed that the mind formed through time and that at a certain age, it was considered fully developed. We now know that the mind is plastic. It is constantly changing. Psychology also tells us that how we derive meaning is also changing. Does this mean that we can move from being a glass half empty, to a glass half full kind of person? It does!
So what are some ways to transition from negativity to positivity? Glad you asked! Taking what we know, (the ratio of 5:1), we recognize that we need to boost our positive experiences. That’s the best part, there is positivity occurring every day in our lives. My fiancée, for example, truly believes that every day above dirt is something to be grateful for. In that one belief, he finds something to be grateful for everyday when he wakes up. Change starts when we start to be mindful and recognize the good. Building an inventory of positive thoughts and experiences to draw from creates resiliency and can help reduce our favorite negative go-to's. Here is a list of my favorite ways to reduce negativity:
PRACTICE GRATITUDE EVERY DAY
Practicing gratitude helps to draw focus to the positive. To practice gratitude you may want to consider keeping a gratitude journal, participating in a 30 day gratitude challenge, spending time with loved ones, and volunteering! I recently participated in a 30 day Instagram gratitude challenge and I can say that my mind truly looked at things differently after 30 days and I found myself with new appreciation for the ordinary that I had taken for granted.
FOCUSING ON THE PRESENT
This is a tough one. Negativity can come from a lot of places but negative self-talk and rumination are major culprits. Focusing on the present allows us to interpret experiences for what they are. If you find yourself using words like “should”, then this might be a good place to start! I am a parent and I really try to take it one day at a time. After all, our little humans are changing so fast and what worked yesterday won’t always be today’s solution.
PRACTICE RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
This is something that I found made a huge difference in my life. For those of you that value peace, forgiveness is a great place to start. Forgiveness extends not only to others, but inwards. It involves letting go of resentment and grudges and forgiving yourself through self-compassion and grace. It does not mean necessarily forgetting past hurt, but a conscious decision to choose peace and a desire to move forward. This is a not easy. When I first starting practicing this radical form of acceptance I felt pretty ridiculous. I mean, who is going to stand up for what is right and fair if I don’t stand up for myself? But the important thing to remember is that people are driven by their own motives which are a reflection of THEIR personal values. Not everyone will share your ideals and no argument (no matter how strong the evidence) is enough to change other’s behaviour. We can influence how we respond, and that is a place of forgiveness.
SCHEDULE YOUR HAPPY
This is a pretty obvious one but something that is often over looked. In today’s world we have an amazing opportunity to be connected to others. Unfortunately, over scheduling can be harmful to our mental health. Formally choosing to schedule in time for yourself can help bolster positive habits. For example, I schedule in breaks within my work and I schedule fun social activities in my calendar. I also schedule “me” time in between. It’s important for me to create space for the activities in my life that lift me up. Summertime can get crazy and one of the first things that my fiancée and I do is schedule time together as a family, time together as a couple, and time for ourselves. A wise person once told me that if you don’t schedule yourself, someone else will and in my experience that is 100% true. I have started to intentionally create pockets of enjoyment within my schedule and this is helping to boost my positivity!
CREATE POSITIVE SPACE
This is both a physical and an emotional task. I firmly believe that we are a mirror image of our surroundings and our physical and emotional space are a reflection of each other. If your physical space is disorganized and cluttered, it may be challenging to find space emotionally. As bizarre as it sounds, my positive space is my ensuite. I’ve changed the lighting to a relaxing glow, I have a soaker tub that I melt into almost every night, the room is filled with a beautiful scent from my favourite candle, and I have a large window that allows in natural light during the day and the gorgeous moonlight at night. It is the one place within our home that is truly mine, and I love it.
CREATE AND NURTURE POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Ultimately we want to have relationships with people that make us feel good and we also want to be that for others as well. Science shows us that a person’s happiness and positivity is connected with the positive connections they have with others, especially in relationships. So where are all the positive people hiding and how do we find them? First we start with ourselves. What vibes are we putting out to others? Three easy steps to start building a positive network include: spending less time with negative people, being open and curious to new people, and putting yourself out there to new experiences.
There is no checklist or roadmap that will ultimately make you a more positive person, but if you find yourself lingering in negativity it may be time to make some changes. If you are ready and willing to change, trust that your mind is up for the challenge as well!
