Divorce can be incredibly traumatic. It can also be incredibly beautiful. And I have seen both. Divorce is a profound life change, that often ushers in a period of self-reflection and adjustment. Amidst the emotional aftermath, individuals may unknowingly tell themselves certain lies as they grapple with the complexities of moving forward. In this exploration, we unveil the common lies people tell themselves after a divorce and shed light on the path to healing.
The lies we tell ourselves often develop into the narrative that we live our lives with going forward. That is why it is so critical to know what the lies are and how to challenge them!
I'M A FAILURE
Reality: Divorce doesn’t define your worth. Recognize that relationships are intricate, and the end of one doesn’t diminish your value as a person. A relationship ending can be one of the best things, especially if the relationship wasn't good even when it was good.
I'LL NEVER FIND LOVE AGAIN
Reality: The pain of divorce can make it feel like love is lost forever. However, time and healing have the power to open your heart to new possibilities. Challenging these types of catastrophic thoughts can help to give perspective.
I SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER
Reality: Relationships take effort from both parties. Acknowledge that blaming yourself doesn’t account for the complexities and shared responsibilities within a marriage. Maybe you could have made changes? Maybe this relationship ending is an opportunity to make personal changes going forward. Counselling can be a great place to explore opportunities for change.
I HAVE TO PRETEND THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE
Reality: It’s okay not to be okay. Authenticity is vital for healing. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions rather than putting up a facade. While divorce is commonplace, it doesn't mean that you have to be ok. It doesn't mean that your situation isn't unique or important.
I'LL NEVER TRUST AGAIN
Reality: Rebuilding trust takes time, but it’s not an impossible feat. Understand that each relationship is unique, and not everyone will betray your trust. Maybe it will take time to trust again and that's ok. Trust does rebuild over time...but it takes time.
MY EX IS THRIVING
Reality: Appearances can be deceiving. Focus on your growth and well-being rather than comparing yourself to an idealized version of your ex-partner’s life. Your ex-partner may be making changes to better themselves, and good for them. Your ex-changing after the fact is not a reflection of their commitment to you or your ability to be worthy of change.
I'LL NEVER RECOVER FINANCIALLY
Reality: Divorce can bring financial challenges, but it’s crucial to adopt a realistic mindset and seek professional advice. You can rebuild and secure your financial future. Financial recovery takes time and look for support (accountants and bankers) to help you!
Conclusion
Divorce, though emotionally challenging, need not be a sentence of perpetual despair. By unravelling the lies we tell ourselves, we can pave the way for authentic healing. Embrace the reality that divorce is a transformative chapter, not the conclusion, and give yourself the grace to rediscover, rebuild, and thrive beyond the complexities of the past. The journey to self-discovery and renewed happiness is a testament to resilience and the enduring capacity of the human spirit to rise from adversity.
