People pleasing, the art of prioritizing others' needs and expectations at the expense of one's own, is a common behavior that can lead to a myriad of challenges. People pleasing can eventually lead to internal resentment and external confusion.
WHAT IS PEOPLE PLEASING
People pleasing often stems from a desire for approval and fear of rejection. Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards understanding the motivations behind the behavior. It's important to acknowledge that while wanting to make others happy is natural, compromising your own well-being for the sake of others can be detrimental in the long run.
WHY PEOPLE PLEASING CAN CAUSE PROBLEMS
Constantly putting others' needs before your own can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of personal identity. Over time, people pleasers may find it challenging to express their true feelings, needs, and opinions, leading to a sense of disconnection from themselves.
ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER
One of my favourite ways to determine the lengths of people pleasing that people sit with is to ask a question: "When you receive a meal at a restaurant that is incorrect, do you...". People pleasers may choose to eat something they don't like to avoid making others uncomfortable. There are certainly times when we want to not make "a big deal" out of a situation, but can you voice your concern when you need too?
SETTING HEALTH BOUNDARIES
Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is a crucial aspect of breaking free from people-pleasing tendencies. Establishing clear limits on what you're willing and unwilling to do helps create a balance between meeting others' expectations and prioritizing your own needs.
SELF-REFLECTION
Engage in regular self-reflection to understand your own desires, values, and priorities. This self-awareness is essential for breaking free from the compulsion to please others at the expense of your authentic self. Journaling or meditation can be helpful tools in this process.
LEARNING TO SAY NO
Saying no is a powerful skill that people pleasers often struggle with. It's important to recognize that saying no is not a rejection of others but rather a prioritization of your own well-being. Practice asserting your boundaries with kindness and assertiveness.
IMPERFECTION IS NOT ONLY OK, IT IS PREFERRED
People pleasers often fear making mistakes or being perceived as imperfect. Embracing imperfection is liberating; it allows for authenticity and genuine connections. Remember that everyone has flaws, and showing vulnerability can foster deeper, more meaningful relationships.
SEEK SUPPORT
Breaking free from people-pleasing habits may be challenging, and seeking support is a valuable part of the journey. Whether it's through friends, family, or professional counselling, having a support system can provide guidance and encouragement.
Conclusion
People pleasing is a common struggle, but it's possible to break free from its grip and live authentically. By understanding the motivations behind this behavior, setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-reflection, learning to say no, embracing imperfection, and seeking support.
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